yes

I have a technical writer. I remember hearing a motivational speaker comment about how people ask why skinny people run. They don't need to do it. But, it was precisely because they did it that they were thin and healthy. And so it goes with my writing. I am good at writing, I always have been. But I want to keep getting better, finding more and more ways to use words to captivate, educate, and empower my audience. It's no easy task. I have to immerse myself sometimes to truly harness this ability.

She didn't call me back today and I am hungry. So hungry for her critiques, her improvements, her suggestions. I have always loved improving myself, that's why I like things like dental visits.

I stare at the phone as if I'm waiting for a long lost lover. She won't call me back until tomorrow. My words sit and wait.

fly like paper

This weekend, I'm heading to Dallas. I have been invited to do two presentations, one Saturday and one Sunday. They are both in Farsi. I am feeling the usual anxiety I always feel before I speak publicly in Farsi. But there's something else. As I am preparing mentally for this trip and planning my speeches, I feel the distinct sense that this is right. This is what I am supposed to be, this is who I am supposed to be. I am a bridge, and I have always known it. Living in three countries by the age of six, I learned at an early age to relate to all kinds of people and thus help them relate to each other.

My role is still the same. I am a nomad, not completely part of this world or that one, but part of all worlds. I connect worlds with my writing, sharing the wisdom of one group with another, combining the forces of dedicated passion with raw idealism and natural curiosity, so that we can all work together for social change.

Right now, I am in self-imposed isolation, and it is what I need to do for the time being. It will be different in a few months, but for now this is the way it is. I miss people, but I have to concentrate. I am so close to being done, so close to obtaining the key that will open the door to all my dreams, that I can taste it. Time-wise, it's still far off in the distance, but in terms of finishing coursework and milestones I am getting damn close!

I am grateful to know that I have friends who will allow me this space, and welcome me back with open arms, when I emerge from my cocoon. I think my dreams are coming true.

you have me confused with someone else

you thought something you said or did could take away my power?
please.
you have me confused with someone else.

you thought you could hold me down and make me stay?
please.
you have me confused with someone else.

you thought you could pull a fast one, say some shit but do another, then expect me to feel the same?
please.
you have me confused with someone else.

you thought you could throw away our friendship because another asked you to, and you think i will care enough to want to say goodbye?
please.
you have me confused with someone else.

you thought you could violate me, then blame it on me being desirable and expect me to want you in my life?
please.
you have me confused with someone else.

you thought you could take advantage of my gender's curse of being programmed to please people, that because I smile I will not stand up for myself?
please.
you have me confused with someone else.

you thought you could shove your nose into where it doesn't belong, disrespecting my privacy, and expected me not to draw boundaries?
please.
you have me confused with someone else.

someone i used to be, someone that slouched, a piece of me i still love because she is me
someone who walked in the shadows, who felt lost,
tried to blend in.

that is no longer me.

i am not afraid to walk away, i am not afraid to be alone, i am not afraid of the darkness
i measure my time and think before i speak
but i am no longer afraid
i am alive
and you will hear my voice.

and if you hear my voice being shaky, because i get nervous, because i wonder if i live up to the standards i have for myself,
do not mistake it for weakness.

and for those who truly see me
you won't confuse me with anyone else.