Here I go

I am finally at the moment that I have been waiting for. For years, and maybe all of my life, I have waited for this moment. The opportunity to take all that I have learned, and all that I am, and apply it to the biggest project of my life, whose topic makes my soul sing. The strength and stories of Iranian women who have risked everything to fight for their rights.

So why am I so scared? I feel like Maria, going to the von Trapps. Would they accept her as their nanny? Would they welcome her, would they send her away? "I've often longed for adventure, to do the things I never dared....so why am I so scared?" The conclusion she comes to is to act confident, act like she knows, and I know that is what I have to do too.

Because for all my experiences in qualitative research, my reading in the area of Iranian women, my project in Tehran in 2008, my previous writing, all of that doesn't mean shit. There is still so much I don't know, that I have to learn. There is still so much I have to experience. Am I the right person to take on a project like this? I want this to become a book that represents the essence of Iranian women. Who am I to represent this essence? I grew up here, can I truly understand? Is my Farsi good enough? So many doubts, so many demons. But I have to persevere.

I am Maria, I am the prince, fighting his way through a thorny, dangerous forest for the princess that awaits him. But my prize is not a person, or possession, depending on how you interpret the fairy tale. My prize is being a small part of a movement that is vibrant and historical and beautiful and powerful and impactful and inspiring. My prize is being able to raise the voices of some of the strongest women I have ever heard of. My prize is doing my part to spread the contagious phenomenon that is women's empowerment. We are taught as women we must smile, we must do this, to that to be considered proper ladies. In some countries it is worse than others. But women everywhere are rising up and demanding to be treated with equality and respect. What is it about movements that helps individual women make a shift from "me" to "we"? When does something become a social movement?

I am excited and thrilled and scared. I feel unworthy and confident and transparent and humble and overwhelmed. I have to do this as best as I can. I move forward.