Women's empowerment in random places

I love advice columns, and I recently discovered Dan Savage's blog. His straightforward, open-minded advice has helped me grow as a therapist and discover my own views about sexuality, relationships, etc. I have been digging through his archives. One week, he requested his audience to send in their advice to heterosexual fifteen-year-old girls. I was struck by one woman's response:

What do I wish I knew at age 15? That I should live my life as if I would never have a man. I wish I had known that I should be financially self-sufficient, that I should cultivate interests in things I enjoy, that I should grow friendships that will stand the test of time. I wish I'd known then that I should make a life for myself that I enjoy and find fulfilling. And then if a guy comes along who can complement, not substitute for, my life he is the gravy not the whole damn meatloaf.

And I wish I had known, and this is important, that a good, emotionally healthy man will appreciate me for being a human being with a full life outside of any sexual or romantic relationship. Any man who expects less is not someone I want to waste a Saturday night on, let alone the rest of my life.

Joyful In Baltimore

From: http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=21182

I love this lesson for women and I wish I could shout it from the rooftops. I realize in some places, it is more possible than in others for women to assert their independence. 

If I am serious about women's empowerment being a part of my research, counseling practices, and identity, I need to have an understanding of what I think it is. How is empowerment reflected in her statement? I think one of our greatest strengths as women is the ability to be relational. Not that I mean all women are relational: I'm making generalizations of course. This is an asset that can SAVE THE WORLD, truly. However, like anything else, we can go overboard as women. We can try to please others, dumb down our intelligence (I have done it myself), or think we need a rescuer. I believe there is an inverse relationship between empowerment and the ability to tolerate disrespect. As a woman becomes more empowered, she becomes more aware and less tolerant of sexist bullshit. Maybe I'm touching on a larger aspect here: the ability to tolerate sexist bullshit. I'm sitting here, reflecting on the research, and thinking, hmmm, what happens when women in oppressed situations become empowered in one phase of life? Like when women in Iran, in the last thirty years, have become the majority of college-educated youth? They become less tolerant of sexist bullshit. That's what education does, it shows you there is another way.

Everything I think seems so up in the air right now, I don't know which way is up. I have a feeling I have to get used to this feeling. I guess I'll figure it out as I go.