Weekend one

Okay, first weekend. It sounds crazy, but I am up to 40 pages. That's really misleading because a LOT of it needs to be cut. I have so many pages only because I have been living, breathing, writing about, women's empowerment, especially Iranian women, forever. I have over 130 scientific sources on women's empowerment across the globe and over 100 on Iranian women. When I first began researching these topics in spring 2008, I arrogantly assumed no one had studied these topics. "There are no studies on women's empowerment process. Research on Iranian women is nonexistent." Grad school has given me more humility.

I now have a very rough layout of my literature review and still have to dive deeper into the methods. Finish proposal this semester, finish proposal this semester. Can it be done? I wish I could just not leave my apartment for a week and finish it. That's the  best way to write, for me at least. I like thinking of myself as a crazy introverted writer who can't leave her apartment. I imagine staying in my apartment for years and eventually people trying to coax me out. By that time, I behave and resemble a technologically advanced caveman, clinging my laptop protectively.

Anywho, back to 5 am mornings for rest of March and April. I will finish proposal this semester. I will finish proposal this semester. I think this blog's going to help. I will turn to it when I have writer's block to get my juices going and maybe jot my negative thoughts out. Also, my reflections as I'm writing. I think something is wrong with comments, but that's okay. Blogging makes me feel like I have witnesses. Just knowing I have witnesses will make me feel more guilty when I don't make progress, and a little properly guided fear of guilt never hurt anyone!

I have to stop feeling in awe of Iranian women activists. If I idealize them, isn't that the same as objectification? Either way, it will muddy my view, and I want to see my participants as clearly as possible. Admiring them but seeing them as human. I'll have to work on that. I want to be true to my participants.