out

I get so confused sometimes. I have days where I am not nearly as productive as I need to be. And I have days where I realize being super productive is what I want to be and I need to work somewhere that holds me accountable. Then there are days that I want nothing to hold me accountable and to just be. But I wonder if that would drive me insane. I hate thinking of myself as one of those people who always has to be doing to feel good, to feel at peace. But maybe I am?

There are times when one part of me chides me in anger for not rising to my potential, for wasting time, for allowing the day to pass uneventfully and without an attempt at greatness. I am torn between her and the other part, the one that says you have done okay, now just relax. But I can't, can I?

Sometimes I feel powerless to stop these forces. They war within me, constantly fighting, making me weak. I don't know how much self-care is too much. I don't know if I have cashed out for the summer. Is this all just an elaborate attempt to justify procrastination?

How do I motivate myself when I feel like doing nothing?